Communication...

Good old communication.  :-) Seems to be a key in any relationship.  It's an often talked about topic.  But that doesn't mean that it always comes naturally or that it is the easiest.  I read these two articles on communication on a favorite blog of mine, Club31Women.  I thought I would share them with you all for food for thought.  :-)
~Breanna


“Something’s wrong,”  my husband said. 
How does he do that, I wondered.
My husband can take one look at me or catch a certain tone in my voice and he knows something is troubling me.
After 14 years of marriage, we communicate very well — without words.
“Yes,” I answered with a smile. “There is something wrong, but I don’t want to bring you into it.”
“What? Why not?” He asked with complete surprise.
I struggled to find the right words to express to him that sometimes I’m not sure if telling my troubles to my husband is the best thing — even those personal struggles with feeling pretty or good enough for him.
But, I knew he was right.
There really wasn’t any reason to keep things from my husband. We are one flesh, aren’t we? We are traveling this road called together, aren’t we?
After a few moments of silence, I let him in on my troubles; troubles, that to some, seem small and insignificant, but to my husband, they weren’t.
Why? Because they were my troubles and he wanted to work through them with me.
My husband and I have faced some rocky roads together. Sometimes it was his personal trials, sometimes it was mine. There were other times when our entire family was suffering and we needed to communicate with each other.
We need to bear each other’s burdens. In fact, God commands it.

Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galations 6:2

Enjoying A Deep, Strong Marriage

Keeping the lines of communication open, honest, and yet loving has helped my husband and I enjoy a deep, strong marriage. It’s not just infatuation or puppy love. but, it’s a marriage based on God’s word and communication.
In fact, communicating and working through our difficulties together has made us a stronger team.
Many times I see a pattern in our marriage. Typically, when I am down, he is up, and when he is down, I am up. There always seemed to be at least one of us that can offer some encouragement and comfort. I am so glad I do not have to travel this journey alone for now. I have a husband, that when I communicate my innermost sorrows, he is there to lift me up.

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Ecc.4:9-10

Though communication is vital in a marriage, there are times when silence is best — particularly when our tongue desires to criticize or tear down our husbands.
Yes, it’s best not to communicate in those times, but rather pray.
Our tongues will only worsen the situation. When our hearts are full of love and kindness, then we can seek to encourage our husbands.
In recent days, I have had a lot of drama and emotional situations come my way. I have been so thankful that I had a caring person to listen, arms to hold and comfort me and a spiritual leader to direct my footsteps.
Do you ever have those days where it seems a small part of your world gets turned upside down?
Don’t hide those situations from your husband. Let him in to your world. Let him have those hidden pieces of your heart.
As I look back over the past 14 years of my marriage, I am so thankful that I have kept the lines of communication open with my husband. Instead of telling a girlfriend or my mom, there were many times when I only told two people — God and my husband.
If the lines of communication in your marriage are down, try opening them back up by letting your husband be “in the know” with struggles, victories and issues that are present in your life.
Keeping them from him will only push him away.
You may be surprised at the relief, support and close-knit relationship you’ll enjoy from communicating!
 ~Alison Wood

 

 Have you ever found yourself feeling:

“I’m just so mad, so hurt—again. I’m not going to share my heart with him anymore. He doesn’t understand. It is too painful. We’ll live in the same house but he can do his thing and I’ll do mine.” 

Most of us, if we are really honest, have felt this way about our husband from time to time.

I call it falling into the trap of emotional divorce.

Imagine a solid glass patio door.

Emotional divorce is a bit like slamming that patio door shut on our hearts.

We still see the person on the other side, but there’s a strong, sealed panel between us.

We begin to close up our heart to him.

This trap can occur during stressful transitions in our lives-a move, a job loss, financial pressures, a new baby, caring for elderly parents, a child in crisis, etc. We are stressed and if each of us responds differently to the issue, we get irritated.

We are too exhausted to communicate.

We are afraid, and we unintentionally take it out on one another.

What do we do when we find ourselves falling into this trap?

1. Recognize what is happening and refuse to let that “patio door” separate you.

2. Make the decision to take a sledgehammer and begin to chip away at that glass wall. Thick patio doors don’t usually splinter into pieces all at once. It takes a steady chipping away at a tiny crack until the door dissolves.

3. Talk to a godly older couple and ask for their help. Most churches have older couples who would be happy to mentor you, pray for you, and encourage you. Get counseling as needed.
4. Remember God is for your marriage. He is the strong “super glue” holding you together. You can rely on Him. He will bring you through this time and your marriage will be deeper and stronger as a result.

“For nothing is impossible for God.” (Luke 1:37)

Blessings,

~Susan Yates

True Friendship

Right now during family devotions each evening Dad is taking us through Kevin Swanson's Proverbs Bible study series.  This evenings reading was really good!  Thought I would share it here so that others can benefit from it as well.  I've emphasized a few of the sections that seemed particularly profound.

Proverbs 27:5-6

"Open rebuke is better than secret love.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

Friendships are not true friendships until they have been through the wild rapids of conflict, honest confrontation, forgiveness, and restoration.  This is a necessary process in forming a friendship, in the true sense of the word.  Rebuking or correcting somebody is not easy, especially if you hope to retain a friendship in the end.  But true lasting friendships will probably not form unless there is a little wounding here and there.  When this happens, be very careful that you do not allow your pride to resist the wounding.  If your heart resists and you begin to grow bitter, you will fail the test and lose another friend.  But if you receive the wound, embrace your friend, and allow the relationship to be repaired, you will have a better friendship for it.  These are the kinds of friendships that will stand in good stead through the many storms of life that are sure to come.
Love is willing to take a risk for a friend, but would it risk losing the friendship?  Herein lies the real test of friendship.  True love is more interested in the well-being of the friend than the friendship itself!  This "secret love" referred to in verse five is a love that appreciates the other, but is unwilling to do anything strenuous for the best interests of the other.  Even worse than secret love, however, are the "kisses of an enemy."  Judas serves as the infamous example of this.  It is easy to create shallow friendships and to give twenty hugs on a Sunday morning at church, but would we be willing to give our lives for these people (John 15:13; 1 John 3:16)?  Today, many professing believers will shake hands or hug a brother, but they leave the brother in the lurch over every tiny doctrinal disagreement or conflict.  These are not true friendships.
We live in a sinful world, and it is difficult for one sinful person to live with another sinful person.  But if we care about each other enough to point out each other's sins, and if we are humble enough to confess our sins to one another, we will live fruitful lives in this sin-cursed world.
- Kevin Swanson, The Book of Proverbs God's Book of Wisdom, Book III: Proverbs 24-31, Part 258 ~ TRUE FRIENDS AND GRATEFUL HEARTS
~Brittany

Another encouraging post by Matthew Jacobson on marriage

The Lifelong Habit of Pursuing Friendship

Posted on October 29, 2013

Date night . . . there’s a place not far from our house, Diego’s ~ Spirited Kitchen, that Lisa and I find our way to on a semi-regular basis for a few moments away. We don’t often order much, maybe a little avocado salsa fresca, but we just love to spend time together.

It was a busy night at Diego’s a few weeks back. We couldn’t help noticing the couple – mid-sixties, maybe – who sat the entire evening, stone-faced, across from each other. Not a word passed between them – Date night. Hope they enjoyed the food – really sad. I don’t know their story but that didn’t keep me from wanting to take the guy by the lapels and say, “Can’t you see the vacant longing in your wife’s eyes? She’s begging to be loved by you!”
What was Lisa doing? I noticed something in her face as she discreetly looked their way – something in her eyes evaluated, wondered, analyzed.
“Do you think we’ll wind up like that twenty years down the road?” She said unexpectedly.
Now, she knew the answer. I know she did . . . but somehow she wanted the assurance of hearing me say it.
“Of course not – we’re going to be friends forever.”
But, didn’t the older couple start out with the same desire? Doesn’t everyone begin marriage with an expectation of friendship and closeness for the long-haul?
Then “Life” happens and The Book of Love sits neglected, collecting dust on some hidden shelf.
God designed us for so much more than that – for depth, for richness, for a highly fulfilling marriage, but it won’t happen automatically. To experience a marriage like that, we’ve got to do things God’s way and cultivate a lifestyle that places a priority on those things that will lead toward the relationship we so desire.
Let’s keep it real – it is impossible to have a fulfilling friendship with your spouse if there is no willingness on his/her part to do so. But, one thing is certain – If you don’t pursue the habit of friendship in your marriage, it will never happen. Even if your spouse is a little resistant due to the path you have walked, God can do miracles in a marriage where His ways are embraced and you choose to walk obediently.
So where do you start in pursuing friendship with your spouse?
When it comes to having a friendship, God says you need to initiate the process.  Proverbs 18:24 – if you’re going to have friends, you must be friendly (MLJV).
This verse is never more true than in the relationship between husband and wife. To experience friendship with your spouse, it’s got to start somewhere.  Initiate friendship by doing and saying those things that demonstrate your purpose to be your spouse’s good friend.
Here are 7 suggestions toward pursuing friendship with your spouse. Husband or Wife, these all apply equally to each:
1)    Dinner, coffee, a stroll through the park . . . pick a moment to tell her you want to      become her best friend and ask her, “How can I become a better friend to you?”
2)   What is she interested in? Ask her questions about those things.
3)   It’s Monday morning. Do you have priorities for the week? Discuss them with her and ask her what are her goals and priorities for the week.
4)   Pick a day (every week!) and do something for her that you know she’ll love.
5)   Tell her something about her personality, way of thinking, abilities, or contribution that you particularly love and appreciate.
6)   Build her up with your words in public. Do you like it when someone directly contradicts you in company? She/He doesn’t like it, either. It’s demeaning and disrespectful.
7)   Listen with genuine interest when she talks. Be interested in her opinions and perspective.
For most spouses, friendship with each other is like a ripe apple, just waiting to be picked and enjoyed. If you truly want friendship then initiate by doing the things with and for your spouse that demonstrate what a solid-gold friend you are. Pursue the habit of friendship and enjoy that highly fulfilling, rich marriage you desire and that God desires for you both.



*This post is one of The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage series.