Good old communication. :-) Seems to be a key in any relationship. It's an often talked about topic. But that doesn't mean that it always comes naturally or that it is the easiest. I read these two articles on communication on a favorite blog of mine, Club31Women. I thought I would share them with you all for food for thought. :-)
“Something’s wrong,” my husband said.
How does he do that, I wondered.
My husband can take one look at me or catch a certain tone in my voice and he knows something is troubling me.
After 14 years of marriage, we communicate very well — without words.
“Yes,” I answered with a smile. “There is something wrong, but I don’t want to bring you into it.”
“What? Why not?” He asked with complete surprise.
I struggled to find the right words to express to him that sometimes I’m not sure if telling my troubles to my husband is the best thing — even those personal struggles with feeling pretty or good enough for him.
But, I knew he was right.
There really wasn’t any reason to keep things from my husband. We are one flesh, aren’t we? We are traveling this road called together, aren’t we?
After a few moments of silence, I let him in on my troubles; troubles, that to some, seem small and insignificant, but to my husband, they weren’t.
Why? Because they were my troubles and he wanted to work through them with me.
My husband and I have faced some rocky roads together. Sometimes it was his personal trials, sometimes it was mine. There were other times when our entire family was suffering and we needed to communicate with each other.
We need to bear each other’s burdens. In fact, God commands it.
Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galations 6:2
Enjoying A Deep, Strong MarriageKeeping the lines of communication open, honest, and yet loving has helped my husband and I enjoy a deep, strong marriage. It’s not just infatuation or puppy love. but, it’s a marriage based on God’s word and communication.
In fact, communicating and working through our difficulties together has made us a stronger team.
Many times I see a pattern in our marriage. Typically, when I am down, he is up, and when he is down, I am up. There always seemed to be at least one of us that can offer some encouragement and comfort. I am so glad I do not have to travel this journey alone for now. I have a husband, that when I communicate my innermost sorrows, he is there to lift me up.
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Ecc.4:9-10Though communication is vital in a marriage, there are times when silence is best — particularly when our tongue desires to criticize or tear down our husbands.
Yes, it’s best not to communicate in those times, but rather pray.
Our tongues will only worsen the situation. When our hearts are full of love and kindness, then we can seek to encourage our husbands.
In recent days, I have had a lot of drama and emotional situations come my way. I have been so thankful that I had a caring person to listen, arms to hold and comfort me and a spiritual leader to direct my footsteps.
Do you ever have those days where it seems a small part of your world gets turned upside down?
Don’t hide those situations from your husband. Let him in to your world. Let him have those hidden pieces of your heart.
As I look back over the past 14 years of my marriage, I am so thankful that I have kept the lines of communication open with my husband. Instead of telling a girlfriend or my mom, there were many times when I only told two people — God and my husband.
If the lines of communication in your marriage are down, try opening them back up by letting your husband be “in the know” with struggles, victories and issues that are present in your life.
Keeping them from him will only push him away.
You may be surprised at the relief, support and close-knit relationship you’ll enjoy from communicating!
Have you ever found yourself feeling:
“I’m just so mad, so hurt—again. I’m not going to share my heart with him anymore. He doesn’t understand. It is too painful. We’ll live in the same house but he can do his thing and I’ll do mine.”
Most of us, if we are really honest, have felt this way about our husband from time to time.
I call it falling into the trap of emotional divorce.
Imagine a solid glass patio door.
Emotional divorce is a bit like slamming that patio door shut on our hearts.
We still see the person on the other side, but there’s a strong, sealed panel between us.
We begin to close up our heart to him.
This trap can occur during stressful transitions in our lives-a move, a job loss, financial pressures, a new baby, caring for elderly parents, a child in crisis, etc. We are stressed and if each of us responds differently to the issue, we get irritated.
We are too exhausted to communicate.
We are afraid, and we unintentionally take it out on one another.
What do we do when we find ourselves falling into this trap?
1. Recognize what is happening and refuse to let that “patio door” separate you.
2. Make the decision to take a sledgehammer and begin to chip away at that glass wall. Thick patio doors don’t usually splinter into pieces all at once. It takes a steady chipping away at a tiny crack until the door dissolves.3. Talk to a godly older couple and ask for their help. Most churches have older couples who would be happy to mentor you, pray for you, and encourage you. Get counseling as needed.
4. Remember God is for your marriage. He is the strong “super glue” holding you together. You can rely on Him. He will bring you through this time and your marriage will be deeper and stronger as a result.
“For nothing is impossible for God.” (Luke 1:37)