An Open Letter to the Boy Becoming a Man

This article by Matthew Jacobson is truly precious!  He brings out some very good points and is truly inspiring and thought provoking.  I hope it will be a blessing, maybe to some parents seeking to raise godly sons or to young men that are seeking to become godly men.  For all of us...it's food for thought.  :-)

Dear Son,

It is a great honor and privilege to be able to write this letter to you. I’m blessed to be your dad. Son, you are becoming a man. What follows comes from a heart that truly wants the very best for you in this life and, more importantly, the next.

THE NEXT LIFE

The day of your death is already marked. Unknown to us, God has decided how long we will live. You may live a “natural” life of about 70 or 80 years, or you may be killed by a drunk driver moments after reading this letter. You simply don’t know when you will be required to give an account of yourself to God. But you most certainly will. The Bible says, “ . . . it is appointed for a man to die once and after that, the judgement:” Hebrews 9:27

There is a man spoken of in the New Testament who went about his happy life, building bigger and bigger barns to hold all his posessions. Just when he was really enjoying his self-absorbed life, he heard the words (from God), “You fool! Tonight your soul is required of you.” Luke 12:20

Long before you came to the threshold of manhood, the world was busy trying to press you into its mold – to conform you to its values – to make you think in a worldly manner. But we are Christian men, followers of Christ. The Bible says, “Be not conformed to the world.” Romans 12:2. That means we are not to think like, or act according to the values of, this world. As a man making his way in the world, you must wrestle with this if you are to walk worthy of the name ‘Christian’ and remember, your appointment with God is already set.

THIS LIFE

Whether you like it or not, you are in the process of establishing your reputation. Welcome to manhood. What kind of man will you be? That’s something you choose every day. Anyone can have a “moment” when they seem to others to have good character only to have the next decision remove that good will. Consistency over time is the only way to reveal your true character to others. You are building who you are every day. You look after your character and God will look after your reputation.

CHOICES

As a young man your age, I had a poor understanding of how the choices I made would impact my future. It is as true today as it ever was – what you choose today will affect tomorrow. If you tune your ear carefully to the important things of life, you will have a growing sense that the substance of life is little more than a combination of two things: 1) Choices you make each day and, 2) Your response to events, both positive and negative) and circumstances in your life that you didn’t cause.

I’ll never forget an old poster of John Wayne, hanging on the wall of some office I had walked through many years ago. There’s only one John Wayne. But the caption below his photograph is what really stuck in my mind: Life’s Tough . . . but, It’s Tougher if You’re Stupid. Which is to say, if you make a habit of wrong choices, you are in for a tough life. The choices you make today are making your future.

FRIENDS

You have a winsome way about you, son. You can get along with just about anybody. That is a real gift. And, you are a real gift – a truly worthy person. While you, as Christian young man, are commanded by Christ to be kind to people, there are many who are not worthy of your friendship – not worthy of your trust.

The Bible makes it clear that, “Bad company corrupts good morals.” 1 Corinthians 5:33. You will be known by the company you keep. People will make a judgment about the quality of your mettle (your worth as a person) by the quality of those you have chosen to count among your friends.

Test those with whom you would spend time by this standard: Are they the kind of people who will challenge me to be a better person? Will these guys challenge me to be more like Christ?

One of these days you are going to happen across a stream that is flowing crystal clear and then, down stream, it will be met by another muddy stream flowing into the channel. The clean stream will never clean up the dirty stream – not far from where they join, both streams are muddy. So it is with life. Choose friends of clean character, friends worthy of you.

Be polite to everyone but give your friendship only to those of sound character. Those of poor character, while needing your guidance, are not worthy of your friendship.

YOUR FUTURE WIFE

You are some woman’s dream-come-true, Son. Right now, your wife is somewhere in the world. Don’t you wonder how she’s spending her time? Do you think she’s wondering how you are spending yours? How would you feel right now if you could look through a window at your future wife and see her without her seeing you? What kind of behavior do you expect from her? What if her parents were away and she had a boyfriend over? And they had their hands all over each other and he was kissing her? Wait a minute, that’s your wife! What’s he doing with your future wife? I hope you’d want to thrash him for what he is stealing from you.

Why was your wife giving herself, a little at a time, to other guys? Does it make you crazy to think that some slob is even near her trying to put his slimy lips on her beautiful mouth? If you want to marry a girl who hasn’t given herself to every jerk that chased her; if you want a girl who has saved herself for the man of her dreams (you); if you want a girl who has honored Christ with her life and body and mind – YOU OWE HER THE SAME!

You will never be sorry for waiting for your wife. The world’s (and most of the Church’s) thinking says, “Hey, date around, get to know people.” Not so for the follower of Christ. Could you marry various people and have a great marriage? Sure. But, God knows exactly who you will marry. Don’t give one bit of your self to some person you won’t marry; not physically or emotionally. Don’t get entangled in a relationship, even if it isn’t physical, with someone who isn’t your future wife. Only the girl of your dreams deserves to know you intimately and to know the secrets of your heart.

Start your romance long before you even meet her. Any fool can run from one relationship to the next but, it takes a real lover to keep one woman satisfied for life. You will never regret being completely faithful to your wife before you meet and marry her.

ADVERSITY

Sooner or later, life deals everyone a tough hand. When this happens, you have a choice to make: Fold or press ahead knowing that “All things work together for good, to them that love God…” Romans 8:28

Many fall into the trap of thinking that their circumstances are so much worse than anyone else’s. This isn’t true. You can always find someone who has it worse. Some people focus on the problem until they are completely consumed and destroyed by it. This is not what a man does. A man braces and steps into the wind of adversity, knowing that God has declared in the Bible that He will always, be with him. Hebrews 13:5

Adversity is going to come – that I can guarantee you – but in one sense, it doesn’t matter. How you respond to it is what matters. Embrace your trials and purpose in your heart to honor God through them, regardless of what happens, and He will honor you for your faithfulness, in His way.

WORK

Purpose in your heart to be a diligent, hard worker. You know me well enough to know I can’t abide the presence of a young man on the job site who doesn’t know how to work hard – doesn’t know how to sweat. Of course, when he’s young, it’s not his fault. He wasn’t taught to work hard. But, you were! A man of character works hard. A lazy man is a disgrace – to his God, his wife, his kids, and to himself. Tell yourself every morning when you get out of bed, I am a man who works diligently and works hard.

TRUTH

In every age, the Truth has been under assault. Our Times are no different. Truth is often a casualty in the battle of ideas – a battle that will rage until the End of Time. Good men cannot avoid this battle. You, Son, cannot avoid this battle. We must take our place in the public square, standing for what is good, right, and true. What you are guaranteed in this battle are enemies. I like what Winston Churchill said: You have enemies? Good! That means you stood for something. Son, don’t live your life trying to be everyone’s friend. Stand for the Truth.

There are many things I could share with you but these are a few that will touch almost every area of your life. Please know that I’m proud to call you my son and pray that you will fulfill the purposes for which God created you. If you do, you will have found the best this life has to offer and an eternity that begins with the smile of God.

With much love and hope for your bright future,

Dad

P.S. Only in the Scripture will you learn God’s expectations for you . . . and yes, He does have them. Read your Bible every day. It will wash your mind. Sin will keep you from the Bible and the Bible, read and applied, will keep you from sin.

What Does It Take to Be a Family Man?

As a young lady who desires to become a wife and helpmeet, in the Lord's perfect timing, often it gets discouraging seeing so many young men who are so playful and not serious about the things of men and more importantly about the things of the Lord.  Since the time I was nine years old, the Lord laid on my heart to pray faithfully for my future husband.  Though I have not done so always as faithfully as I would have liked, nevertheless it has been my goal to.  But the older I get the more I realize how truly rare a godly man is, who walks in the fear of the Lord and desires above anything else to be a man of God.  The Lord has blessed me to daily have before me the example of my wonderful dad, who truly is a man of God and is serious about the things of men and of the Lord.  I am praying that the Lord will raise up a generation of men who take seriously and will stand and fight for the truths of God's Word, as my dad has so faithfully done.  Oh what need we have of that today!  I thank God for men like my daddy who truly take this seriously!  And I pray that for us ladies, that we will be the kind of women that are truly helpmeets to such men, that strengthen, encourage, pray for and help them.  When I read this blog post by Matthew Jacobson, I was very blessed by it.  Yep, this is my daddy to a T!  And yep, this is what I am praying for for my future husband that he will be this kind of man.  Thank you to all the men out there who take this seriously!  May God bless you!

~Breanna

 

What does it Really Take to be a Family Man?

A Family man . . .

1) Loves His wife as his first priority.
For building security, stability, and trust, there is no substitute for Dad loving Mom and being fiercely faithful to her. For the true family man, mom comes first and the kids come second.

2) May travel for business or the military but, his heart is always at home.
A family man doesn’t look at “home” as something to be gotten away from. Everyone he encounters knows wherever he is, he’s away from the place and people he loves. He may have a big business meeting with “important” people but, to him, the most important people he will ever interact with are waiting for him at home.

3) Loves children.
Any husband can be a family man at heart, even before the children arrive because he loves them and sees children as an integral part of what God is doing in the world – not as burdens that will compromise his plans, goals, and ministry.

4) Puts his family before himself.
A family man makes a lot of everyday choices for those under his care before he focuses on what he would like. His first choice is to meet his family’s needs. His needs are a second-tier priority to the needs of those he is responsible for.

5) Spends time with his kids.
It’s the least profound reality with the biggest impact. Family men know how children spell the word ‘love’:
T I M E. They don’t spend time with their kids out of obligation but out of genuine love for the little person God entrusted to their care.

6) Keeps himself from filth.
A family man recognizes that spiritual forces are arrayed to destroy everything of value in this life and the next, starting with his relationship with his wife and children. He says “no” to the daily offerings from the spiritual darkness he is surrounded by.

7) Guards family commitments.
He understands that life will send an endless parade of wonderful opportunities his way . . . opportunities that will constantly vie for attention over the commitments he has already made to his wife and kids. Family commitments are not easily or flippantly set aside for the next “wonderful” opportunity.

8) Doesn’t allow the drama from other people’s lives to invade his family and destroy their joy.
A family man genuinely cares about others but is “on point”, guarding his own family’s peace from the chaos of those who refuse to grow and mature.


9) Seeks to get to know his children as individual people.
To the family man, the kids aren’t merely “the kids.” To him, each child is a little person. He respects that unique personality God brought into his life and seeks to truly know and understand him/her.

10) Is ready to mete out discipline when needed.
Because he loves his children, he will not shrink from loving his children through discipline . . . just as God does with us. Whom the Lord loves, he disciplines. Hebrews 12:6

11) Builds up his children with words of affirmation.
The family man knows relationship is built not only through instruction but through affirmation. He looks for opportunities to build up his kids.

12) Doesn’t view time with family a duty to be fulfilled so he can pursue his own interests.
Many dads chafe at the time they spend with their kids. Not the family man. His interests are integrally intertwined with his children’s need to be with him. His heart isn’t constantly roving away from home, yearning to chase personal dreams and interests, if only he could get free of the kids.

13) Guards his children’s innocence in a perverted world.
In many ways, this world is a sick place. The family man is a constant guardian of his children’s innocence. He is aware and purposeful about what they watch, where they go, who they’re with, and what they do.

14) Is purposeful about the character development of his children.
A family man knows that character in his kids is instilled through his example and his training. He actively teaches his children what it means to be good men and women.

15) Expresses to his children that he is proud of them and challenges them to be their best.
Just about every dad will tell you he’s proud of his kids but will he tell them? He will if he’s a family man because he knows they need to hear he approves of and is proud of them.

16) Listens to what his children are trying to say.
A family man is sensitive to the little person who is having difficulty communicating. He’s patient, encouraging his children to express to him what they are feeling.

17) Teaches his children the Truth.
Teaching children who God is and what He requires from us is Dad’s responsibility.

This is a lot to think about for any dad and no one will fulfill each one of these perfectly, all the time . . . certainly, I don’t. But, when we reflect on these things, we “keep our head in the game” and stay focused on what matters, making our children – the first disciples entrusted to us – the priority that God would have them be in our lives.
God bless you, Dad!
~Matthew

A Letter To Girls I Know (on Modesty)

Dear Girls,
There are two kinds of men: Godly men, and worldly men. What kind of man do you want? I’m betting most of you said “a Godly man.” Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you. Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do. Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of guy you will get. I don’t even have to know you! All I have to do is look at you. The kind of guy you want or will get is advertised by the clothing you wear. I know what men want. Trust me, I am a guy. I know more guys than you do and I know them better. I know what we think, what we talk about, what we want, and what we look for, and it is different for each one of us depending on our relationship with God. I’m sure you already know this, but men were created differently than you. We have different desires and priorities. Our eyes and minds react very differently to some things than yours do. It isn’t disgusting, perverted, or wrong; it is wonderful and good! It is how God made us. It’s how we handle these differences that separate a Godly man from a worldly man.

A worldly man doesn’t control himself, rather, he looks at anything that attracts his attention or gets him excited. A worldly guy has no problem when girls wear clothes that show off skin, like boxers, high or low-cut shirts, low-rise jeans, and “cute” little swim-suits. He’s a fan of tight-fitting shirts and pants that show off your form, he thinks they’re fine! Worldly guy watches a lot of TV and R-rated movies, isn’t really offended by sexual content or nudity and secretly dabbles in pornography. He’s a “Christian” and makes up a significant portion of your church and youth group. He’s a really nice guy and sees you mainly for your body. If you were to marry worldly guy, he’d bring lots of baggage into the relationship, have intimacy problems, entertain thoughts of other women, and possibly cheat on you.

A Godly man is in control of his drives and desires. He constantly seeks God and reads his Bible. He “walks in the Spirit” and isn’t set off by everything he sees. When immodestly-dressed girls, magazine covers, or risqué advertisements come into view, Godly guy quickly “bounces his eyes” away from the image. He’s constantly guarding his thoughts and what he allows into his mind. He hates being around girls that disrespect him and his struggles by wearing inappropriate attire. Godly guy doesn’t watch much TV and is selective about the movies he sees. He views you as a person, knows you and respects you. He has your best interests in mind and guards against inappropriate thoughts of you. If you were to marry Godly guy, he would give you the emotional attention you need, he would ignore other women and remain faithful to you no matter what.

Unfortunately, there are more worldly men than Godly men. And to make matters worse, to the untrained eye, a worldly man can look a lot like a Godly man. So what can you do to only attract a Godly man? An important way of delineating between them lies in how you dress. As mentioned before, the clothes you wear advertise what kind of guy you are looking for. If you dress immodestly, you will attract worldly guys and scare away the Godly ones. It all comes down to the kind of man you want to spend your time around and eventually marry. You cannot afford to be complacent in this area of your life! You will pay the price someday.

This issue isn’t limited strictly to you and your future relationship. The way you dress directly affects other men and women and their relationships. You don’t see the struggles, the pain, the tears and the sin that you cause, but I can promise that you would be shocked if you did! Ask any Christian young man; we’ve all seen it. It’s kept hidden but it is definitely there. By dressing immodestly, you effectually spit on the struggles of our weaker ranks, appearing to care more about toying with us than helping us. You’ll never know how many broken relationships and lifestyles of sin you’ve contributed to simply by the way you dress. You want to marry a Godly man someday, well so do many other women. Don’t just help yourself and your future, help all women and their relationships by showing discretion in your dress.

Of course, I understand the desire to look stylish, attractive, and “cute.” It’s important to fit in and get attention. Trust me, it can be done modestly! I also understand that it is easier for some girls to find stylish and well-fitting clothes than it is for others. This is an area where guys really don’t understand what you are up against. But just remember, for every sacrifice you make to honor God with your image, Godly men are making sacrifices in their lives that are just as hard, if not harder! They will and do respect you so much for choosing to be modest! A real lady is conscientious of the image she presents, and real men want a real lady. And you can forget about any guys missing out on how attractive you are because you don’t wear revealing clothing. You could wear a circus tent and we would still know; it’s a gift we have.

And so the question still remains: What kind of man do you want? Answer me with your clothes.

 (author’s name removed at his request)