We were in a very liberal church when I was a young child. The Lord has taught and grown us so much since then! Anyway, that was where I ‘prayed the sinners prayer’ and was baptized. Looking back, I know for certain I was not saved at that point. As I got a little older, I remember very vividly thinking that I knew I didn’t know how sinful I was. Everyone knows they’re a sinner, but I knew I didn’t see my sinfulness. After all, I was a “good kid”. As the years went on, I began to really struggle and the true sinfulness of my heart started to come out. Not many people saw it though. I was very passive. Everyone still thought I was the “good kid”. I was a terrible liar, extremely rebellious, prideful, jealous of the good I saw in other people, and very unkind to my siblings. I couldn’t begin to count the hours of time Mom poured out talking to me and pointing me to Christ. It was to no avail. I hated being that way, but I was stuck, and couldn’t change myself. And I felt like I couldn’t repent, because I knew I wasn’t sorry enough. I tried to pray, but it never worked, and felt like such a hypocrite. I was so miserable! Finally, after a few years of deep spiritual struggle, the Lord broke through my hard heart. One day, it was like He had lifted the blinders from my eyes, and out of despair, I cried out to Him. I wept, confessed my sinfulness, and pleaded with Him to forgive me and change my heart and save me. It was a cry of total desperation and of surrender. After that, the Lord gave me such a peace, and filled me with such a joy that I had never felt before. It was truly amazing! The Lord worked restoration for me with my family, and has continually been purging me of my sinful flesh ever since. Giving me a growing tender conscience, and giving me a greater love and desire for Himself. Looking back, I am amazed, because I know it was all Him! I’m so grateful for His grace and mercy in my life! I only hope that in the years to come I can look back to now and see how much more He has sanctified me and is using me for His glory!
~Posted by Brittany